


I'm not banging Dick Grayson I swear (it's just my boyfriend in disguise)

by SlinkySpiders



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Birdflash - Freeform, Cheesy, Cliche, Established Relationship, Fluffy, Kinda Cracky, M/M, rob gets kidnapped, so cheesy good god, the boys play dress up sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 16:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4270875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlinkySpiders/pseuds/SlinkySpiders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone's favorite "Robin gets kidnapped as Dick Grayson and so he can't fight back" fic. </p><p>Except this time with Birdflash and Robin being a lil shit. </p><p>For Eliza's b-day!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not banging Dick Grayson I swear (it's just my boyfriend in disguise)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a very dear friend of mine on her special day. Happy Birthday Eliza! I do hope you enjoy this fic, even if it's very smoll. I hope we can spend your next birthday together.

Dick was daydreaming. Images of recent missions and Wally's shining smile flashed through his head, successfully drowning out his teacher's lecture. He looked up at a poster on the wall. A map of Russia stared lamely back at him and he wished he was at the Batcave. It was just so  _useless_ being in the classroom, where nothing actually stuck. 

He decided to pull a bathroom trick. There were ten minutes before class was emptied, so he could easily idle around in the restroom and cut out a chunk of his boredom.  It was _fine._ He even knew all of this material already since Bruce required he study ahead. 

 _Easy, easy,_ he thought as he got the bathroom pass and walked out. 

The hall was empty, with all the students stuffed into the classrooms like ants crowding around in the dirt. He did some somersaults and laughed, his signature chuckle echoing through the school. He caught the eye of a janitor as the man ripped up a garbage bag nearby. He quickly straightened up and cleared his throat, watching as the man shook his head and went back to fishing for a can that had tumbled out onto the floor. 

Dick turned a corner and walked into the courtyard. Spring was beginning to spread across the trees and flowers, with wisps of color popping up among the grass and branches. Soon petals would be gathering along the ground and tangling in Artemis' long ponytail.

He grinned just thinking about it. 

He knew that Bruce would disapprove of playing hockey, but he was sure he could find  _some_ proof that the broody man had done just the same in his day. Dick liked to tease Bruce, knowing that his adoptive father would just ruffle his hair and put him through some grueling training for the rest of the day. Which, in it's own special way, meant that he  _cared,_ deep down. And Dick thought that being Robin was how he cared back.

He’d wondered if other mentors had that relationship with their younger sidekicks (he shuddered at the word), but he found that each relationship was modeled differently. When he first met Wally, as a shy ten-year old boy who had barely started speaking to Bruce, let alone anyone else, he was overcome with surprise at the boy's eager attitude. Him and Barry were a tag team of bad puns and laughter.

Batman hardly laughed. 

Maybe that's why Dick liked to hang around Wally so much. Wearing a mask was easy, but making it a lifestyle was hard. Wally made that easier. In a way. 

He wondered where his boyfriend was right now. Probably asleep in class (at least Dick had the decency to leave,  _gosh)._ He'd see him later anyways, so there was no point in disrupting his delicious slumber. Dick wondered if he could find new ways to kiss Wally without the team noticing. He was up to 32 and was convinced he could get to 50.  

Footsteps sounded behind him suddenly. The crunch of an inexperienced man. Dick frowned and dropped his shoulders in exasperation. He turned around and put his hands on his hips, attempting to look slightly petty. The janitor gazed back at him as he crouched low, hands frozen in a position that was obviously meant to subdue Dick. He didn't appear surprised though, which was  _slightly_ concerning, but his eyes followed Dick's lips as he spoke. 

"I was wondering when you were going to come out here," He didn't usually act this cocky with attackers, but since no one was around, he figured he could tease the guy a bit before he knocked him out, "You've been idling around in there  _forever._ " 

The man's expression didn't change and Dick rolled his eyes, "Okay, so let's just get to the point. Who hired you?" 

"Don't need to know kid," A needle was jammed into Dick's arm from behind.

There was a shift.

Robin shot to the side on instinct and stumbled as his mind fogged while tranquilizer spread through his bloodstream. 

_Shit, shit, shit. Batman is so gonna kill me for this._

\---

Wally bit into an apple and sprayed juice across the counter. Artemis leapt back, even though she was standing a few feet away, and gasped at him.

"Clean it up dude!" She said angrily.

Wally took another bite and spread more sticky liquid on the countertop, "When I'm finished." 

She grabbed another fruit herself and chomped into it without a single drop splashing about, "See," she said with a mouthful of apple meat, "That's how you eat it."

Wally finished his in another two bites and spit out, "I'm not having an apple eating contest with you!" 

"I'm just proving a point!" Artemis spat back. 

_'Team, report to the Mission room now'_

"There, now we  _can't,_ " Wally, said. 

Artemis stuck her tongue out as him and walked away, tossing her half-eaten apple in the compost. Wally followed her out, cracking his knuckles softly as he walked. He wished Dick was here, they'd be able to have the best apple contest  _ever,_ instead of having to sit with grouchy Robin Hood. He snorted at his own joke and jabbed his thumb under his rib to make his giggles cease. He couldn't walk into a mission with freakin' Batman staring down at him, and then burst out into tears at the thought of Artemis in a dumb, medieval leotard. 

Conner and the rest were already gathered when the two walked in. 

Rob wasn't there. Wally knew he wasn't busy. And if he'd had class, Batman would have pulled him out if it concerned a mission. Rob was smarter than most of his teachers anyhow. Batman seemed rather somber, even for him, and it occurred suddenly to Wally than Rob might be in danger, or  _hurt, or worse._

Shit, now he was sweating. He wanted to speak out and shoot questions at the vigilante, but he knew the only way to get answers was to stay quiet and to listen (as  _hard_ as that was for the speedster). He was beginning to imagine all sorts of cruel situations in his head, ones where Rob would be gagging alone somewhere, with a knife halfway into his jugular, mask ripped of- 

Acid. Mind control. Limbs  _ripped_ out from under you. He could hear Rob's screams, like an animal caught in the jaws of another. 

 ** _Wally, are you okay? You look pale._** M'gann's voice rang out in his head.

 _ **Yeah, just tired.**_ He lied, not wanting to reveal how scared he was. He didn't want to alarm her with his vivid imagination. Batman hadn't even spoken yet, there was no reason to instigate terror unnecessarily.

And then Dick Grayson's face flashed on the screen and Wally experienced two things. 

One, his stomach did a horrible drop in relief. 

Two, he realized he would have to play 'hero' to Rob. 

_Oh god._

"Dick Grayson, son of Bruce Wayne, has been kidnapped from his school in Gotham," Batman began, and Wally resisted the urge to snort. 

_Dick couldn't move. He couldn't do anything. He had to play princess._

"Are they offering a ransom?" Conner asked.

"Yes," Batman replied, "But Bruce Wayne has requested that the Justice League rescue his son." 

Wally couldn't keep his mouth shut, "So Wayne just  _contacted_ us? Just like that?"

Batman turned to Wally and narrowed his eyes, "Yes, just like that."

Wally grinned madly. 

"Why do you look like Joker all of a sudden?" Artemis whispered harshly in his ear. Wally dropped his lips and tried to knit his eyebrows together to look more serious.  

"Uh, I'm just, really intense right now," He explained lamely. Artemis rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

"Well stop it, you look seriously creepy," She said back. 

"Do you have something to add, Artemis?" Batman suddenly interrupted. She turned away and shook her head. 

"Where's Robin?" Conner asked honestly. 

"Working on a mission in Gotham," Batman explained. 

"Oh, wow, that's  _quite_ a coincidence," Wally said, regretting the words as soon as they slipped off his tongue.

Batman shot him a short glare before he spoke again, ignoring Wally's words entirely. 

"Superboy, Miss.Martian, and Aqualad will surround the warehouse while Kid and Artemis rescue Grayson. We do  _not_ want this to become an incident. In and out,  _understood?_ " He continued. 

"Yes," The team repeated back. 

"Good, head out." 

As they loaded into the bioship, Wally was both dreading and laughing at the thought of Robin tied up somewhere, pretending to be some rich man's son as he waited for those  _precious_ heroes to come save him. This was why secret identities were stupid, Wally decided, or then Rob could've knocked ten goons out and been back for evening training. 

"Wally? Are you okay?" Aqualad asked.

"Yes!" Wally threw his hands up, "Why does  _everyone_ keep asking that?"

"Because you kept smiling! It's weird! Do you have like some sort of crush on this Grayson kid?" Artemis explained. Wally blushed involuntarily, the thought of kissing his  _actual_ boyfriend (like not a crush  _at all_ ) popping into his mind. 

"No! I just, had a really good day s'all. I didn't think we would get such a serious mission," His explanations were sounding weirder and weirder, but he was caring less and less with the thought of being able to play around with Robin. 

"Please focus, we must rescue Grayson without delay," Aqualad said simply. 

"You have no idea," Wally mumbled, strapping into the ship and listening to the hum of the creature as they took off. 

\---

Dick grimaced as his captor punched his check again. Blood dribbled over his lower lip and stained his uniform pants, and he wished that Batman would  _hurry up_ because he was getting sick of playing his part. 

If he had gotten captured as Robin, then sure, he could've bent that hand in half, but Dick Grayson was a soft, slight-spoiled teenage boy who would cry out for  _father_ at every turn (or that was how Wally had described it to him once, and it had always stuck with him). Now he was forced to stick his tongue out and pretend to whine, as he waited for Batman to come bursting through a window or  _something,_ his cape fluttering behind him.

"God, that one was actually okay," Dick said sarcastically. 

The man growled, "Shut up or I'll rip one of your teeth out."

"Go ahead, I'm sure you'll do a  _great job,_ " Dick replied. If he could kick up this guys anger enough, then he could give Batman ample time to get behind him as he was distracted by Dick's flimsy insults and wobbly words. He was waiting, waiting for that  _swoosh_ that signaled the Bat and the signature  _crunch_ of his fist against the man’s neck. 

The next punch was directed at his gut now and Dick let out a cry, one exaggerated enough for his status, and realized that the man had actually managed to crack one of his ribs. 

" _Shut the fuck up,_ " He said. 

Dick kept his head down, hunched over in the seat that he had been tied into. This was terribly cliché and just plain  _awful,_ like who did this sort of shit nowadays? His patience was wearing thin, but he knew that no amount of force could remove the memory of Dick Grayson jumping out of his seat and knocking out the five men meandering around the warehouse guarding him. No, that wouldn't do, he wouldn't jeopardize Batman like that.

He was about to shoot out another insult when a thug came bursting into the room, his face slightly bloody.

"They sent those brats out for us! They ain't gonna pay the ransom! We gotta get outta here man just shoot the kid," He said loudly.

The group started to run, the sound of feet creating chaos in the giant warehouse. Dick snorted as a gun was cocked at his head. 

_They sent the team. Batman sent the team._

_Is he testing me? God, not again._

Dick closed his eyes and pretended to cry out, willing tears to gather at the edge of his eyes. He heard Kaldur yell and imagined the dark-skinned boy flinging water at some  _idiot_ who thought a gun would be strong enough to knock down a goddamn magical Atlantian. One of Artemis' arrows flew through the air, the familiar whistling sound music to Dick’s ears as it slammed into the weapon pointed towards his temple. 

Now, it was the moment of truth. 

He felt his hands being untied and heard Artemis telling him that it was _okay, we’re here now, don’t worry._  He readied his voice an octave lower, knowing that the archer was smart enough to figure out who was behind Robin's mask in a second if he slipped up. 

"Are you okay, kid?" Wally asked, tone full of amusement. 

Dick opened his eyes and flashed a cocky grin at Wally, standing so proudly in front of him, before he dropped into an grateful position, sending out apologies and staring lovingly into Wally's eyes (which he was sure Wally got a kick out of). 

"Oh thank you! I thought I was gonna die for sure!" He said sweetly. He heard Artemis gag behind him, even if she thought the sound was hidden deep in her throat, and Wally's lips trembled with suppressed laughter. 

"Of course, we're always here to help," He said. Dick didn't know if he was making his voice deeper intentionally, but the effect had his stomach twisting up in mirth as he played along.

"Wow, you must be  _strong_ then," Dick commented. Wally turned his head away for a moment, his chest rumbling with giggles. Dick spotted the rest of the team coming up behind Wally and decided to make a move. 

Dick placed his hands on the sides of the chair and pushed himself up. He stood for only a second before he collapsed in an exaggerated gasp. He wrapped his fingers around his calf and groaned. He looked up at Wally and grinned, eyes filling with happiness at the exasperated expression that had formed on Wally's face. Wally played along however and crouched down immediately, his voice going deep again as he spoke.

"Did they hurt you here? Can you walk?" He placed his hand on Dicks'. 

"I think-I think that they broke my ankle when I resisted. I don't think I can walk, I'm sorry," He explained. 

"I'll carry him," Conner chimed in. Dick then realized they were surrounded by the team as they looked upon their little hand-holding as if they were birthing a child or something. 

Wally kind of looked like he was going to have a child with those twisted lips. Dick wondered how red he could get before he exploded. 

"I want Kid Flash to carry me," Dick announced. Wally sputtered, spit dripping out his mask.

_Gross._

"Score," Dick said under his breath cheekily.

"Oh. Uh, alright," Conner spoke awkwardly. Kaldur cleared his throat suddenly as Artemis' face attempted to settle on a look. 

"Come on KF, we have to deliver Grayson to Wayne," He said. 

"Right! Okay, get in," Wally opened his arms, eyes catching Dick's and saying,  _i'm so getting you back for this later._

Once Dick had gotten settled in Wally's arms, with his hands grasping onto Wally's chest (like rock hard,  _wow that feels nice_ ), the team gathered in a huddle in front of them to speak softly, obviously trading theories on  _how_ Wally had managed to woo Dick Grayson of all people. 

Dick leaned up and pecked Wally on the lips quickly, the motion so quick that Wally had barely realized it had occurred before Dick was whispering hotly into his ear, "Thirty-three."

He blushed the entire ride back. 

\---

"You're such a shit, did you know that?" 

Dick laughed. They shared a soft kiss, tongues lapping at each other as Robin giggled incessantly. 

"Shush, you love it." 

He did.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hoped ya liked it! Please leave kudos and comments <3
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr: http://slinkyinsects.tumblr.com/


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